Don't keep it to yourself

Dear all,as you may have already noticed,I haven’t written for a long time, . It seems that my muse has deserted me for too long. In addition, I have to admit I’m pretty busy with lots of topics to prepare for a competitive exam next year. But a few days ago, I recalled something that happened when I was twelve years old and, although I had stored it in a dark corner of my mind, it started to trouble me again.

We have to go back to the late eighties, imagine a twelve-year-old girl that wants to dress herself as a very popular singer. This singer had a particularly striking image that deviated from the mainstream one. She challenged stereotypes, she pursued her own dreams and was strongly determined to behave as she wanted and not as she was expected to do, thus she was and advocating for liberty of expression and claiming the right to act as her real self. Furthermore, one of her songs was to become a gay anthem in the following years. Taking into consideration these words about her, I guess you may know what I wanted to dress like her. But let’s go back to that moment.

It was Carnival 1987, still winter, so my mum allowed me to wear mini skirt not too short with black tights, and a jacket as it was winter, although it wasn`t too cold. My mum was a bit conservative, so she allowed a bit of make-up but not too much, and I combed my hair up in a ponytail. That was me, that day. Just a normal twelve-year-old girl with a bit of make-up, a mini skirt not too short and a pony- tail. My mum asked me to go to the supermarket, which I did as usual. So I left my house in a good mood. But then something unexpected happened. As I passed by the park opposite the supermarket two boys, I think they were about ten years old, they started to shout out loud “puta barata” which can be translated as “cheap bitch”. I don’t remember what I told them in response, what I do remember is how embarrassed I felt, although I knew I had done nothing wrong. They were the ones who were trespassing a limit, not me. They were laughing, I guess they didn’t know the implications of their words.  I entered the supermarket in a hurry, hoping no one had heard what they said in case they thought it was all my fault, which it wasn’t.

As the time has passed, I came to realized that it wasn’t my fault, as I did nothing to provoke them, in fact, I hadn’t even noticed that they were there until they started to insult me. They were kids, that’s right, but the fact that they were under age doesn’t change the fact that they thought that calling me a bitch was funny. It makes me wonder about how they were being educated at that time. Did their male relatives used to refer to other women in the same terms? Did they actually understand the implications of what they were saying?

As I did that day, women had to endure sexist insults for too long. We had overcome many gender issues, however, in the public sphere women are still insulted and called unpleasant sexist names. This is something we all must repudiate, exposing those who think they have the right to refer to us in these terms. 

Those kids violated my fundamental rights, so we
need to teach young children to respect young girls

Let me explain you how the twelve-year-old me felt at that time: it was embarrassing and humiliating. I felt vexed and angered at the same time as I hadn’t done anything to deserve those comments. They had no right to humiliate me, and above all I think they are the ones that should have felt embarrassed as their behavior was unacceptable and despicable. Now I’m a secondary teacher and I think if the same thing happened in my classroom, I would supported the girl and punished the perpetrators. As an English teacher I guess I would asked them to write an essay about their actions with the aim of getting them to understand the impact of their words on a girl their same age. Unfortunately, no one was there for me at that time, and this is something that I hope it has changed. Now I'm a grown up woman who has overcome many difficult moments and despite all those troubles I have achieved wonderful things. The past is over now, but I still needed to write about it so if the same thing happens to a young girl my words can be of help. Remember it's not your fault, you should be allowed to wear any clothes or make up and no one has the right to insult you, and if they do it just seek for help, don't keep it to yourself as I did. Expose those who have humilliated you, as they are the ones that must reflect about their behavior. They must learn that insulting women is unacceptable and despicable.